League of Politics: GOP vs. DEM

This was a joint project between myself and Austen Goslin (known as AustenGoslin on The Rift Herald and @AustenG on Twitter). This is just as much his post as it is mine.

Later in 2016, the Democrats and the Republicans will go head to head in a battle for the Presidency of the United States of America. But what if they took a more civilized approach, and battle it out on Summoner’s Rift? We think the teams would look something like this…

Team DEM

Martin “TheBody” O’Malley

Role: Top

Most Played: Tryndamere

Notable Quote: “Still a better top laner than Lincoln ‘Just Happy To Be Here’ Chafee.”

Elizabeth “Why_Didn’t_I_Run” Warren

Role: Jungle

Most Played: Shyvana

Notable Quote: “No ganks until 2020.”

Bernie “Feel_The_Ignite” Sanders

Role: Middle

Most Played: Zilean

Notable Quote: “For years, the XP in this region has been given hand over fist to the solo lanes. That is why, armed with this new passive, I aim to redistribute XP evenly among the less fortunate, both in the duo lane bottom, and the jungle.”

Hillary “IsItWorking” Clinton

Role: ADC

Most Played: Sivir

Notable Quote: “I really consider myself a fan of both TSM and CLG. I love them both equally.”

William “Bill” Clinton

Role: Support

Most Played: Bard

Notable Quote: “It depends upon what the meaning of ‘support’ is.”

Substitute:
Joe “Thank God I Didn’t” Biden

Role: Support

Most Played: Taric

Notable Quote: “Good Luck Have Fun kids.”

Team GOP

Ted “YouCantProveIt” Cruz

Role: Top

Most Played: Nasus

Notable Quote: “I was not in San Francisco between December 1968 and October 1969.”

Dr. Benjamin “Dr.BenCarson” Carson, M.D.

Role: Jungle

Most Played: (Surgeon) Shen

Notable Quote: “Will someone leash for me please?”


Marco “2020” Rubio

Role: Middle

Most Played: Veigar

Only Quote: “I am not a robot. I don’t repeat myself. I am not a robot.”

Donald “Biggest_Hands_NA” Trump

Role: ADC

Most Played: Draven

Notable Quote: “The hands, they’re big right, too big for the mouse, okay? Yuge. Too big, like some other things. Someone is just gonna have to. Hold on, like this support okay, no good you know, I gave him the name. This Christie kid, get gud, okay. Somebody has to get me a bigger mouse. And that’s another thing. The supports you know, the supports in this country. Look folks, Riot gave me this support, and I think that it is important that someone says this. So I’m going to say this. ‘Riot please.’ So. Okay. Riot is, they’re ruining me, you know. Ruining me, okay. Like these items, these attack damage items. They’re garbage, okay. Garbage. And look, if I worked at Riot, we would have good items for ADCs. We would have all the best items. The best. With the global landscape the way it is now, NA just doesn’t have good supports anymore. We need to make supports great again. Someone needs to get me a bigger mouse, I’m telling you.”

Chris “no good” Christie

Role: Support

Most Played: Tahm Kench

Notable Quote: “2020, this guy. He has never been involved in a consequential teamfight. He simply hasn’t. He just sits in solo Q and practices the same champion over and over again. He is going to play Veigar next game. He is going to make the same mistakes again. “


Substitute:

John “I-won-Ohio” Kasich

Role: Jungle

Most Played: Unknown

Notable Quote: Quote not found.

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